"How are you?"

"Fine, but you shouldn't be asking me that."

"Relax, we’re friends you know."

"You’re no friend of mine."

"Oh, you with your attitude," he said, "You know one day that you are going to need me."

"I don't like to think about that."

"You're a liar.  You think about that all the time."

I did not reply.  I sat on the edge of my bed staring at the spot in the wood floor that had been damaged before I had moved in.  My feet did not quite reach the floor. I put all my weight on my arms so I could feel my hands press into the mattress.  It was early and it had been a long night. 

"You can't always ignore me," he continued.

"Didn’t we go through this last night?"

"Absolutely, but we got nowhere last evening.  I will continue to bring it up until we get somewhere."

"For your sake, I hope that you are patient."

"Oh I am. I am patient.  I am your friend after all.  I am here for you."

I glanced up in his direction but said nothing.  He continued on so I got up and headed for the bathroom.  I could hear him saying, "…and when that day comes you know where I will be.  I will be where I can always be found…" as I turned on the shower.  The hot water felt wonderful on my back.  I put my face into the stream and it burned my eyes that were still very heavy from sleep.  It was a feeling that I enjoyed.  I didn't wash myself.  I just let the water run until there was no more hot water.  When I stepped out of the shower my skin was very red.  I could see the stem that rolled off of me.  I was cold in the air and wrapped the towel around myself firmly and sat down on the toilet.  The steam continued to roll off but I began to shiver and started to think about the night before.

It had been three nights since I had last drank any gin, which is a long period for me, so I went down to my favorite bar.  It is a hole in the wall place with an asshole bar tender.  I go there because of him.  He doesn't want to talk with you, he pours out my drink, takes my money, gives me my change, and leaves me alone.  I sat in the back corner booth near the jukebox.  I can see the entire bar there.  Last night there were the four guys with polo shirts and baseball caps that congregated around the Golden Tee arcade game.  They were playing for who paid for the next round of beer.  The one guy, who must have been fond of the color yellow as both his shirt and hat were, had a love of the word "fuck" and depending on the enunciation of the word you could determine if he is winning, losing, or keeping even with the group. 

There was also a man and wife that were probably in their late forties or early fifties that came in.  They sat next to the popcorn machine and ate as much free popcorn as I had seen in awhile.  She was wearing a denim shirt with a black suede leather vest that had fringe all the way around it.  Her boots matched her vest and her jeans were tucked inside of the boots.  She came over to the jukebox and picked out two Bob Segar songs and one by Garth Brooks.  She smiled at me before she went back to her husband.  He did not look too happy and mostly kept his eyes focused on the popcorn in front of him.  He seemed quite bored for the most part but I saw him twice reach across the table and grab his wife's hand and say something to her.  He looked very sincere when he said it, whatever it was that he said. 

It was after I had seen him reach for his wife's hand a second time and while I was trying to read his lips that I heard, "You look so sad sitting here by yourself."  I looked up and saw a girl about my age standing near the jukebox staring intently at the selection of CDs inside.  For a moment I thought that she must be speaking to someone else but then she brought her eyes to mine and smiled.  I tried my best to return the smile.

"Are you waiting on someone?" she asked.  I got a chance to look at her face.  It was a full and fair.  She had short blond hair that was about shoulder length.  She wore lipstick that was too dark and made her skin look that much paler.  She was not my type but I asked her to sit down as I could use someone to talk to.

"I'm Jaime," she said as she sat down.

"Breydon,"

"Breydon?  That is different.  Well Breydon, what are you doing here all by yourself?" She leaned over on her elbows to expose the top of her breasts to me through her v-necked tee shirt. 

"Drinking," was my reply.  She was obviously drunk.  I took a look at the drink she brought with her; it was something with orange juice.  She probably had been drinking before she came out, I thought to myself.  I couldn't help but notice that she had the beginning of a double chin and her eyes were hazel with sparkles of green.

"I can never drink alone.  I only drink when I am out with my friends," she sat back upright and placed her hand over her cleavage, "Honest.  You know I was to come over here and pick out some songs on the jukebox.  Would you like to come over and sit with me and my friends?"

"Sure," I replied.  My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and I knew that I had made a mistake already but I really wanted to talk with someone.  She picked out a few more country songs by artists I was not familiar with and grabbed my hand and led me back towards her group of friends.

They were sitting up at near the bar underneath the television.  It was the largest table in the place.  She had three girlfriends and two other guys sat around the table.  They had to grab another seat from one of the other tables so I could sit down.

"Everybody this is Brandon," Jaime proudly announced, "Shit I mean Breydon. It’s Breydon.  I am so sorry," she said and took her other hand and grabbed my elbow.

"Yeah you really care Jaime," the one guy said.

"Shut up Jeff," the girl sitting next to him slapped him on the arm, "Anyways Breydon, that is Jeff and that is his girlfriend Sam (who was very nice looking).  That is Nicole (who was fat and ugly) right next to you.  And then that is Adam and Elaine (both of which were dorky and had red hair)."

I said hello and sat down.  Jaime continued to hold my hand, which I found very odd, as I had hardly spoken a word to her.  But drunkenness does strange things and I did not mind having my hand held.

"So what do you do Breydon?" asked Jaime's friend Sam.

"Mortgages," I lied.

"Really?" he perked up. "Which company do you work for?"

"A small brokerage, you probably haven’t heard of it.  There are only two brokers in house."  I am well versed at lying.  I tell people that I work in mortgages all the time.  The lie has become more evolved as time has gone by.  I started using it after I heard two guys at a party discuss what they did for two hours.

"Oh," he said and changed the subject, "I am getting low on my beer.  Tell me what you are drinking and I'll get you another."

"Thank you but I am fine for the moment," I said. 

"Fine by me.  I was just offering to get you a drink."  My tone must have been off.  He looked offended that I did not want another drink.  Jaime squeezed my hand at Jeff's response.  I looked over at her but she did not look back at me.  She did give me a devious smile.

"You know Breydon we are going to go to a party later.  Would you like to join us?"  Sam asked me.  She had beautiful dark hair but it shined in the light.  Her skin was very dark, she must go to the tanning boo\th I thought to myself.  But it was her mysterious dark eyes that made her wonderful to look at.  They were deep yet full of fun.

"Sure," I said before I knew what I was saying.  Jaime gripped my hand even tighter.

"Really?" she said

"Why not?"

"Good you can ride with me."

"I don’t think that you should be driving right now Jaime," her ugly red headed friend spoke up.

"I'm fine Elaine."

"You guys can ride in the backseat with us."  Jaime approved of this idea and conceded to her friend.  Jeff came back with his beer.  He made a mention of how rude the bartender was.  He was told to finish his beer quickly so that we could leave for the party.

Their car was a gray Pontiac with two doors.  They had to push the seats back for us to get in.  I had to sit somewhat sideways for my legs to fit and Jaime took advantage of that and laid her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me.  I wrapped my arms around her shoulders because I did not know what else to do.

"So tell me about yourself," she said, "What do you like to do?"
"I don’t know.  What about you?"  So she began to tell me all sorts of things about herself.  She liked to read books, go for walks, and she played a little tennis.  She wanted to know if I liked tennis.  I told her that I never had played.  She must have not thought anything of it because she continued to tell me about her.  It was fine with me.  It was nice to have someone to talk to.  She was an elementary school teacher, third graders, and loved kids.  I thought that it was funny that she was a school teacher being that they are to be an example to their kids and her she was resting on my chest a total stranger telling me all about her life.  She began to play with my shirt collar while she talked about her family.  She had an older brother and a younger sister.  Her parents were divorced.  She had a dog named Lazy.  She asked me about my family and I told her some more lies.  I told her that my parents were still married and that my brother and I had a good relationship.  I wasn't quite sure why I was compelled to lie so much but it just felt right.

I recognized the place as soon as we pulled in the parking lot.  We were going to Tad's place.  I had lived in that apartment complex about eighteen months ago.  Tad always threw parties.  I went to a couple of them.  I never felt right.  I would stand in the corner and watched what was going on.  Tad was overly nice.  He was pudgy and by throwing his little parties he got acceptance.  He always wore shirts that looked like they belonged to a bowling league or that he had just returned from Hawaii.  He would always call people "Bud" and "Pal" which I couldn't stand.  And he always called the girls "lookers".  He would say, "Hey Bud, isn't she a looker?"  He would point his beer in the direction of the "looker" which more times than not the girl was not overly special.  He would then say something like, "Why don't you go over and talk to her." I would decline and give him some sort of excuse and then he would say, "Don't mind if I do.  I will see you after the sun comes up."  He had a good success rate from what I could tell.  And when I would see him the next day he would look at me, shake his head, and say, "Man, you should have listened to me.  She was something."

He walked up to his apartment.  We passed my old doorway as we walked.  I reached out and grazed the door with my fingertips as we went by.  Jaime was walking in front of me with Elaine.  They were whispering back and forth leaning in towards one another as they moved.  Adam tried to make conversation with me.  I noticed that he slurped up his saliva when he finished his sentence.  He remind of a kid I once knew that did that in middle school but that kid had braces so he had an excuse.

"So what do you think of Jaime?" he asked.

"She's alright."

"Yeah, she is pretty cool.  Elaine has known her since they were kids."   I stayed quiet, as I did not know what to say in return.  Thankfully, he continued, "She is not normally like this.  She has had too much to drink."
"I can tell."

"Yeah, but she seems to really like you."
"You think?" I said.

"Yeah it's pretty clear.  But, uh, I'll tell you something.  You need to treat her real nice.  She is a friend of mine too."

I looked over my glasses at him.  He kept his stare straight ahead being careful not to meet my eyes.  He was a really dorky redheaded kid with freckles.  I am sure that kids made fun of him when he was younger.  But I could respect what he was saying, trying to protect his friends.

We reached Tad's door and Jaime knocked.  Tad answered the door.  He was the same as ever, happy to see anyone.  He must have known Elaine and he thanked her for coming.  He told the girls that they looked very nice and they rushed on in the door. 

"Hey, look who is!  What have you been up to pal?"  Tad said to me.  He was wearing a shirt that looked like it was from a Hawaiian bowling league.  It was red with white palm leaves that had his name in an oval over his breast.

"Tad."

"You know him?" Jaime asked.

"Do I know him?  Brey here has been to many a Tad's parties.  He used to live just down the way in another building.  He just moved out, what a couple of months ago?"
"It's been a over a year."
"Time flies man.  Nice to see you bud."
"You didn’t tell me you used to live here," Jaime said with her hands on her hips.

"I didn’t think it was important."

"Well, why don't you two just come on inside and get something to drink and Breydon will tell you all about me," Tad said with open arms.

We all continued inside.  Tad had beer in the sink and hard liquor on the counter.  He never made anyone pay.  I had no idea what he did for work, but he must have spent a good portion of his money on alcohol.  Jaime made herself a screwdriver and I made myself a gin and tonic.  We went over and sat on the love seat together.  She sat on one end and draped her legs over my lap.

"Did you know that we were coming here?" she asked.

"No."
"But you used to live around here.  Elaine said that Tad guy throws parties all the time.  Tad knows you.  You had no idea?"

"I wasn't for certain.  Not until we passed where I used to live."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't think it was important," I said.  She seemed to take that in for a moment.  I started to think about it too.  It really didn't matter if I knew where we were going or didn't.  We still would have been there whether I said anything or not.  We said nothing for a moment.

"You don't talk too much do you?" she said moving her head back and tilting it slightly to the right.

"No, not really."

"Well Mister I don’t talk too much.  What do you think about me?"

"You're alright," I replied.

"Alright?  How is a girl supposed to take that?"

"I don't know," I said and shrugged my shoulders. 

"You don't know?"  I shrugged my shoulders again and smiled.  She sat up and leaned in towards me.  "My mother would say that you have bedroom eyes," and she kissed me.  She got up and shook her drink, which I had not realized was already gone.  She smiled at me as she walked away.  Her friends were waiting for her in the kitchen.  When she reached Elaine she hugged her and was wisped out of my view.

Tad came over and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, "Looks like you are doing alright for yourself there buddy.  I didn’t know you had it in you," he poked in the shoulder with his beer.  I did not respond and he decided to go on, "You know Elaine told me that she was bringing one of her friends with her.  I thought that I was going to have some play but it looks like you beat me to it.  But that is all right with me man.  You watched me many nights.  I even tried hooking you up a couple of times if you remember right.  So go for it bud, she looks like she would be a lot of fun."

"She's alright," I said.

"Yeah, she's alright.  Hell yeah, she's all right.  You get some of that tonight.  You hear me man?  You get some of that tonight."  He pointed the end of his beer bottle at me and looked very serious.  I told him that I would get some tonight, but I really only wanted to talk to her.

"Yeah man, you…" he stopped as Jaime returned with a half of a screwdriver in hand, "take care of yourself," he finished.

"So what was that all about?" she asked as she sat down.

"Nothing."

"Right," she said with a smile.  She put her drink on the coffee table and put her arms around me.  She whispered in my ear and asked me again what I thought about her.  I was uncomfortable; I know that I must have been blushing as I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

Sam had snuck up behind where we were and surprised us, "What are you doing!" she yelled.  I was relieved that she had come over.  Jeff, Adam, and Elaine then came over and we sat in a group and talked.  The party went on all around us but we did not care.  The girls gossip about different things.  Everyone they talked about I did not know.  Jeff and Adam discussed cars which I had no knowledge about.  I sat quietly, with nothing to say, knowing no one that they spoke about and Jaime hung around my shoulders.  We stayed like that for another hour before Jeff said that he had to work tomorrow.  He and Sam got ready to leave.  Before they left Sam came over to me and said, "Take care of her."  I said nothing.

"It is getting late and I am tired," Elaine said.  Adam took that as his queue and started to pick up our drinks and take them out to the kitchen.  We gathered our things and thanked Tad.  He told us that it was too early for us to leave, the night was young, but I could feel the dryness in my eyes.  I was ready to leave.  So we climbed into the gray Pontiac and left.  Jaime resumed her position but this time untucked my shirt and ran her hand over my stomach.

We returned to the bar about one thirty in the morning.  Adam asked Jaime if she was alright to drive or if he needed to take her home.  Jaime told him that she was fine, that she was almost sober now.  She had to be lying.  She had drank almost the whole time I had known her.  Adam asked if I needed a ride home also.  I told him that I only lived a couple of blocks away, I hadn't even driven to the bar.  Jaime and I got out and Adam and Elaine drove away, leaving us completely alone.

"So you live around here?  Have we passed it already or wasn't that important?"

"No, we didn't pass it.  I just live up on Hamilton in the apartments up there."

"I see.  Are you going to invite me over?" 

"My place is a mess.  And my roommate is home.  I don’t think you are ready to meet him yet."

"So would you like to come home with me?  I only live a couple minutes from here on Layton Way."
"Sure," I said. 

"Good.  Now get in," she said.  She unlocked the passenger side door and let me in.  It felt very strange for a girl to do that for me.  She leaned in and kissed me before she shut my door.

She lived on the west side of Layton Way, which was more than just a couple minutes away.  We did not speak much to each other.  We listened to the radio.  The songs were all sappy as they always are at that time of night.  She had not turned on the air conditioning and it was getting warm in the car.  I wanted to roll down the window but I did not.  The air grew heavy and stem started to cover my window.  I could smell her scent through the heavy air.  It was sweet and electric.  It was then that she reached over and touched my leg high up on my thigh and said, "We'll be at my place soon."

I could feel the warmth in my cheeks and started to think of ways to easy myself out of the situation.  Jaime was just okay and I was really not wanting to do what she had plans on doing.  I had only wanted someone to talk to.  I had wanted something else.  I knew that I had put myself in this position, that I had had a hundred chances to end the evening.  I could have told her that I was waiting on someone else.  I could have told her that I had a girlfriend.  I lied many times to her but no lies to drive her away.  Maybe I wanted this, I thought to myself.  It had been a long time.  Long enough that I cannot remember how long it had been.  No one showed interest in me until tonight.  I still felt sick at the pit of my stomach and I still had no idea what I was going to do.

She had a small house in a congested neighborhood.  The houses were right on top of each other.  No house had a driveway all to it's self, neighbors shared a driveway that went between the houses and separated into their own garages, effectively taking away any backyard that there could have been.  She parked in the small garage and leaned over and kissed me again very gently.  She whispered to me, "Come inside," and I followed.

The air was cool and my body reacted, it was invigorating after being in the hot heavy air of the car.  Jaime came and took my hand and started to lead me to the back of her home.  We walked up the back steps which were old and the concrete was chipping away at on corner.  Entering were we in a screened in porch that was very small.  It had no furniture and it contained only a blowup pool seat that had an angry looking wrestler glaring out which contrasted the bright green of the opposite side.  Jaime smiled embarrassed and said, "That's Steve." 

She lead me in through another old looking white door that she had to unlock that led into the kitchen.  It was also small yet bigger than the one at my apartment.  Jaime seemed very nervous, her coolness and confidence was gone.  She must have been thinking that same thing as I was.  What are we going to do?  She rubbed her hands together, then looked up at me.  She asked if I would like a tour.

"Sure,"

"Good," she said seemingly relieved, "I bought the house about a year ago.  It's pretty small but it is perfect for just me," she paused and I shook my head in agreement, "Well, this is the kitchen.  And that is the bathroom back there," pointing to a room that was off of the kitchen.  I thought it was a strange place to have a bathroom but the house was really tiny.  She then led me into the living room where there was a cream overstuffed chair and charcoal couches.  She showed me the spare bedroom and then the master bedroom.  She did not walk into the master bedroom as she had walked into all the other rooms.  She stopped on the threshold.  The room was barely large enough for her bed a small night side table and her dressers.  She awkwardly brought me back to the living room and asked if I would like anything to drink.

"I think I've had enough," I said

"Well, sit then and I will be right back," she said as she left the room.  She went through the kitchen and into the bathroom.  I was thinking about if I was going to go through with this or not.  And so I turned on the television so I did not show that I was too interested.  I turned over to one of the sports channels even though I do not care for sports.  She then came out of the bathroom and was making noise in the kitchen.  She returned with another drink in her hand.

"I haven't had enough," she said making the ice rattle in here drink, "What are you watching?"

"Sportscenter."

"Can you change it to something else?" she asked.  I offered her the remote but she declined and I began to go through the channels.  I came across one of the movie channels and then woman was starting to give a strip tease to the guy.  I changed the channel but Jaime asked me to change it back.

The woman was wearing a red dress with black stockings.  She was dancing for a man who sat slumped in a chair wearing a suit.  The woman kissed the man gently and turned around and asked him to unzip her dress.  After he had, she took her dress down to her waist, then crossed her arms in front of her.  She faced him again, covering herself and smiled.  Her jet black hair hung past her shoulders and her lipstick stood in bright contrast.  The man in the suit squirmed in his chair.  The woman slowly moved her arms down to reveal herself to him, she danced slowly and touched her breasts tenderly before moving her hands down to her dress, pushing it down to the floor.  She stood in front of the man with her ands on her hips, breasts exposed, black panties, and black stockings.  He got up trying to kiss her but she pushed him back into the chair and put one of her feet up on the arms of his chair.  She rolled the stocking down and let him remove it from her foot.  She then did the same to the other leg.  He then slipped down her panties.  We then watched the to of them grind each other on the television set and did say a word or look at each other.  When they were done, Jaime reached across me and grabbed the remote.  She turned off the television and asked, "Would you like for me to do that for you?"

"Yes."

"Wait here a moment.  I will be right back," and she disappeared into her bedroom.

She emerged from her room wearing a black dress and black panty hose and said, "I don't own a red dress.  I hope this will do."

"I am sure that it will do just fine."
She walked over, trying her best to be seductive.  She stayed a distance away and then leaned over to kiss me.  She kissed me gently and sweetly at first and then graduated into hard and wanting.  It was a desperate kiss of wanting.  It lasted for a few moments, I never took my hands from my lap.  She did not touch me either.  We finished as she turned around from me, squatted down and sat on my lap strattled my leg.  She asked me quietly to unzip her dress, which I did slowly.  She giggled girlishly and moved away from me.  I had reacted and felt my urges.  She took down the top portion of her dress and looked back at me, imitating the actress in the soft porn movie we had watched.  I did not try to mimic the man in the suit.  She turned around and faced me.  I could tell that she was nervous as she moved, she had not turned music on and was dancing to a beat that I did not know.  I did not care.  She removed her hands to show me her breasts.  They were fine breasts.  They were pale and of good shape and size.  She tried to be seductive touching them and pulled on her nipples hard.  She made a face in pain when she had pinched herself too hard.  After a moment she moved her hands to her hips and slowly began to remove her dress.  She was wearing garters, which was a surprise and not been in the movie.  She smiled at my surprise.  Jaime approached me then and sat on top of me spreading her legs over mine.  We began to kiss, I had not touched her and she noticed.  She whispered in my ear, "Touch me."

It was then that I knew I could not go through with it.  I still reached up and groped her breast.  It was smooth and firm for it’s sized.  She moaned when I touched her.  She moved up onto her knees to that my face was between her breasts and I began to kiss them.  I moved slowly along the outsides and slowly made my way towards her nipples.  I knew that it was wrong but I continued.  I grabbed her ass and pulled her closer to me as I tried to take her breast into my mouth.  As she pulled away I held her nipple with my teeth and shook slightly from side to side.  She sat back down on my lap and continued to kiss me, moved down on my neck and focused on my Adams apple.  She took hold of my shirt and took it off of me.  She then slid down my legs to the floor.  She smiled evilly at me.  She unbuckled my jeans and then unzipped them.

"What do we have here?" she asked.

"Jaime," I said trying to stop her but did not succeed in getting the words out.

"Shhhh," she said and began to lower my jeans down to my knees.  She took her right hand and pushed hard underneath my testicles. She lightened the pressure as she moved up over my testicles and put her hand through the hole in my boxer shorts to grab me.  She stroked me inside my shorts and then eased me out.  She then reached in again and cupped my testicles bringing them out also.  She lowered herself down further and with her right hand lifted my testicles and pushed my penis up towards my chest.  She held her hand there and she took her tongue and started to kiss the underside of my scrotum.  Her left hand put pressure on the area between my testicles and my anus.   She took one testicle into her mouth and while it was painful it was also a rush.  I could feel how red my cheeks must have been.  I was embarrassed but could not say a thing.  She sat back up a little and ran her tongue along the shaft of my penis.  Her right that had been forcing my penis down slowing lifted it up as she licked all around the shaft.  She ran her tongue all on tip and tasted me.  She looked up at me as it hung in a string between the head of my penis and her tongue.  She giggled and put her head down.

I felt the warmth envelope me.  "Jaime," I said and tried to back away.  Her second bob took me in farther.  "Stop," I continued.  The third time she took me in I could feel her slightly gag and move into her throat.  "Jaime.  Stop," I yelled and pushed her off of me too hard.  She rolled on the floor with a shocked look on her face.  Her eyes were watering from what she had been doing. 

"What’s wrong?" she said.  She looked concerned.  I had already begun to put myself away and pull up my pants.

"I can't do this.  Sorry.  I just can't," I muttered.

"Why can’t you?" she said. She made no attempt to cover herself up.

"I just can't.  I hope you understand.  I need to get home," I said trying to come up with an excuse. 

"What?  You led me on this whole time and now you have to go home…"

"You have to understand…"
"I understand fine asshole," she began to pick up her clothes and cover herself, "I understand just fine.  Get the hell out of my house," she said.  I thought that she still must be drunk from the way that she was acting.  I put finished composing myself and left through the same door I came in.  I did not say anything else to her and she did not say anything to me.  I did hear make a sound as I walked beside the house.  I thought it sounded like crying but I could not be sure.

It was a long walk home.  I had no one to call.  If I had someone, I wouldn't have called.  What could I would I tell them?  I turned down a girl and then forced her off my because I was embarrassed?  That I was sickened by what she was doing?  If she had done anything other than that it would have been okay.  I thought that even if she had done that I would have been okay but it wasn't.  I couldn't tell her why.  I don't tell anyone why.  I just wanted someone to talk to.  She seemed so nice and normal.  She was a school teacher who played tennis.  I didn't think that she was going to do that.  As I walked and thought about it more, it made me sick to my stomach.  I stopped along the way and vomited in someone's yard.  It still did not make me feel better.  I should have stopped her long before.  But it had been such a long time for me.  I was hoping that it would have been something good for me.  It is good for other people.  It is a man thing to do.  In fact, that is what men do right, I thought to myself.  Why couldn't I just do it?  Why couldn't I enjoy it?  It made me angry at myself.  I was embarrassed and had embarrassed that girl without ever knowing why.  But I knew why, I knew.

The grass was wet with dew and quickly soaked my shoes and seeped through to my socks.  It was a long walk with heavy feet.  The sun had risen by the time I got back home.  I opened the door to my apartment and looked at the clock.  It was just a few minutes past six.  The sun is up early in June. 

I took off my drenched shoes and socks, threw my socks in the dirty clothes, and striped down to my boxer shorts.  I was hoping just to go to bed and sleep.  I was hoping he would leave me alone but he would not.

"What is wrong Breydon?"
"Can you just leave me alone tonight?"
"Is it really that bad?" he asked.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Tell me about her."

I looked over in his direction.  He always knows what is going on.  He can see right through me.  So I told him about Jaime.  I told him how we met, where we went, what she did for a living but I did not tell him about the way the night ended.

"That is quite a rosy picture you painted.  But then why are you so glum?"

"That is the part I really don't want to talk about."

"Couldn't get it up?"

"No, that was not the problem," I said.

"Of course not, you couldn't do it," he laughed, "You couldn't stick it to her.  You failed again friend."

"That is why I don’t like talking to you."
"She probably thinks you're gay."

"She does not," I said back.  I could feel the anger rising within me.  I clenched my fists tight and laid on my bed with my back away from him.

"Did you tell her why you couldn't do it?  Did you?  No you didn't.  You couldn't tell her your little secret."

"Leave me alone please."

"You know I can't do that.  It must have made you sick when she did that.  When she put your dick in her mouth.  You must have wanted to puke."

"Please…" I said.

"Please what?  Leave you alone?  Quit whining.  Just figure it out and get this over with."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.  I fought back the tears.  He was right about everything.  He knew about everything.  And I knew what he wanted me to do.

"You know why.  Don’t play so damn dumb.  Come over here and do it.  Come over here and finish this."
"I won't.  Not now."

"When is a better time," he said, "What difference does it make what the date on the calendar says?  You brought me here for a reason.  Now do it."

"I won't," I repeated.

"You're lame," he sounded disgusted, "I won't fail you like the others have.  You know that you can count on me but yet you deny me."

"It’s not the right time."

"Whatever.  By the way," he continued, "Did you tell her about me?"

"No."

"I am sure that it would make for interesting conversation.  'You know Jaime, I speak to a gun that I bought to kill myself with.'  I am sure that girls are into that one.  A suicidal nutcase."

"Fuck you," I said.

"Good night Breydon.  Until the morning." 

He did not say anything else and I went to sleep.